Another Long Night of Walden

Alright, so I'm reading Walden for AP English, and the author (Henry Thoreau) is unbearable. An absolute hypcrit. He's constantly talking about how we only learn when we do things ourselves, that we can never learn anything from someone else, and that we only progress through our own labors. There is some truth in those words, sure. But he would be a lot more convincing if he practiced what he preached. He lived his entire life living off of other people: first, his mother, living with her AFTER he graduated college. Then, he lived his brother, and they started a school. Then, when his brother got sick (and could no longer do all the work!) he left and lived with Emmerson, another Transcedalist author, for TWO years! I can imagine their first conversation:

Thoreau: Hey! You're that guy who writes those books! (I bet you're loaded!)

Emmerson: Hm? Oh, yes, yes I am! (Oh my God, somebody actually read my books!) I see that you are, no doubt, an intrepid young scholar who also believes in the ideals of Transcendantalism! (Whew! I thought I was a loner!)

T: (What the hell is talking about?) Um... yes! Absolutely! I uh... was just discussing with my good friend the finer points of, um... intuition... and uh... self-reliance. (Geez, my mom would die laughing if she heard this)

E: (Oh. My. God. I think I've found my soulmate...) Exactly! Oh, if only my colleagues could hear this! What do you think about the Oversoul?

T: (Shit. Shit shit shit.) Uhh.... Erm... That is... Ah, hey, you know what, I don't think I can get into all that right now. The topic is far too large to be fully dissected over the course of a single evening. Nay, even a year or two wouldn't suffice! (Goal! What an excellent save!)

E: Hey! I just had a great idea!

T: (Oh no... forget the money, I just want to get away from this creepy, creepy man...) Uh... really? And what would that be? (Go away go away go away.)

E: Yes! Yes! You see, I have a spare room that is just dying to be occupied! You could... oh, I don't know, perform odd jobs around the house and I could rent you the space!

T: (Oh. My. God. What the hell does he mean by "odd jobs"? Ew... ew... ew... oh, the pictures in my mind! Make them go away!) What makes you think I'm looking for a place to live? (He's been watching me... I knew it! He just wants to get into my suspenders!)

E: Well, when your mom kicked you out again... this makes twice now, right? Anyways, the whole town could hear your screaming and protesting, "Mommy, mommy! Why are you doing this to me?" Oh, yes, it was quite comical!

T: (I hate you. So much.) Er... yes, I suppose I am looking for a house at the moment...

E: (Yes!) Then its settled! Just meet me tomorrow at my house and we'll work out your payment plan! *chuckle*

T: (Did he just giggle?) Oh, yes, I'm... looking forward to it. (I'm going to leave that house a changed man.)

That's my take on it. It probably didn't happen that way, but... oh well. Anyways, going back to Thoreau: he says that you only learn from the labor wrought from your own hands: he doesn't even build the cabin he lived in! Other people did it for him! And then, like I said before, he says that you can only learn from your own expreiences. But then, he's like, read my book and learn from it. How can we if we can only teach ourselves? Somebody is a little bit contradictary... His name is Thoreau.

There's this guy in my history class, and I'm convinced he's gay. Well, maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part... okay, it definitely is me hoping desperately that he likes men. But what's the difference? Anyways, my gaydar is awful. I'm ALWAYS wrong. You'd think that as a homosexual I'd be able to identify my own kind, but sadly, I can't. So I'm not sure if he's queer or not. He's really cute... and smart. Not exactly a trend one finds in men these days. (Not a slight to men, but those are the facts: there are 21 girls in my AP United States History Class. There are seven guys. Hm... I wonder why...) So going back to this guy. Like I said, he's attractive. Lots of my lady friends have been throwing themselves at him for years, and yet, he's never had a girlfriend. (You could argue that he's just not interested in girls yet... I would say that its because he likes boys.) One of my good friends tried to go for him: the thing was a fiasco. She's pretty, blond, average height, nice smile, large-ish breasts. So we got physical appearance covered. She's also smart, witty, and very critical (just like him! Condescending bastards! Just kidding... sort of...) So they are personality compatible. So she asks him to a movie, and they agree on a date and time and so forth. So, the night of the movie, he calls her and says that he can't make it. Later, my friend and I discover that he couldn't go because he was at a play. With one of his guy friends. If blowing off a hot girl to see a play with another guy isn't a rainbow flag, then I must be straight. And I am not straight.

Maybe I'm stereotyping. Actually, I am stereotyping. Maybe I'm looking for signs that don't exist. Either way, I'm going to get him. Actually, I probably won't, because he's got two inches on me, plus biceps.

But I can dream, can't I?