Oh look, a flying scrotum...

I don't really know what's up with the title, but whatever. I am so excited for Emily's workout video! It's gonna be the best thing since humanity invented the missionary position. (I heard the French invented it, and I really wouldn't be surprised...) Anyhow, I think the idea of wearing jean booty shorts and a vest is gonna be sexy. They'll be distracted by my bulge that they won't pay attention to the actual video. We should so some panoramic shots, so they can see all of our assests. Jean thong wedgies aren't too inappropriate, right? Or maybe we should do the video in our Clover Park Tech shirts! And then during the scene change we can wear our pig shirts from french! The CP guys are gonna be so freakin impressed. MTV will probably give a contract or something. You can count on it.

I did senior portraits a couple days ago, and when I get them, I might post a couple on the web. Of course, I haven't checked my Facebook since the summer, but that's okay. I really should be working on my homework, but that shit sucks balls. Figuratively of course. If it were literal, it probably wouldn't be that bad. The lady who took the pictures was very honest. And I quote: "Oh, honey, nevermind. That pose is just not attractive." At least she was nice about it. Oh, wait, no she wasn't. Bitch. No, but really, she was super nice and I think the pictures came out good. But she wouldn't let any of my underwear show, and I wore sexy Calvin Klines for the occasion! She said that it was too "provocative" and that "my parents probably wouldn't appreciate the sexuality of it all". Actually, I think they would. Here's a little conversation I had with my mom today.

Me: Where's Emma?
Mom: She's at the neighbors.
Me: Why is she over there alone?
Mom: I would have stayed, but they said 'goodbye' to me when I got there.
Me: Why?
Mom: I don't know.
Me: Maybe they think that you're a bad parent.
Mom: Well, they can suck me.
Me: What?
Mom: You heard me. Suck it long and hard.

I couldn't believe my mother said that, but she did. Sometimes, I'm impressed by her ballsiness. She probably has bigger testicals than me.

Molly Person is trying to set me up with a sophmore she knows, and I don't know if I should go for it. She said that he's shorter than me (and I kinda like them tall, if you know what I mean...), and that he's pale (which is code for 'pastier than Snow White's ass). Also, he's two years younger. If he's short, pale, and young, I'll just end up looking like a pedaphile. Which is never good. (just ask Michael Jackson. He would know. Oh, wait, he's dead... awkard.) But I haven't seen him, and Molly says that he's cute so... but even if I do like him, there's no guarentee that he'll like me back. Which brings me to my next question: why DON'T i have a boyfriend? Am I just utterly deficient in a necassary dating department?

Well, ignore that pathetic plea for compliments. I think that's enough for the moment. I DO have some homework to do. But homework is gay. Not "gay" gay, but stupid gay, you know? I don't know why gay people get so worked over people using the word incorrectly. I do it all the time, especially when I'm playing Xbox. But whatever. Have some bone-grinding sex for me, cause I ain't getting any.