Oh look, a flying scrotum...

I don't really know what's up with the title, but whatever. I am so excited for Emily's workout video! It's gonna be the best thing since humanity invented the missionary position. (I heard the French invented it, and I really wouldn't be surprised...) Anyhow, I think the idea of wearing jean booty shorts and a vest is gonna be sexy. They'll be distracted by my bulge that they won't pay attention to the actual video. We should so some panoramic shots, so they can see all of our assests. Jean thong wedgies aren't too inappropriate, right? Or maybe we should do the video in our Clover Park Tech shirts! And then during the scene change we can wear our pig shirts from french! The CP guys are gonna be so freakin impressed. MTV will probably give a contract or something. You can count on it.

I did senior portraits a couple days ago, and when I get them, I might post a couple on the web. Of course, I haven't checked my Facebook since the summer, but that's okay. I really should be working on my homework, but that shit sucks balls. Figuratively of course. If it were literal, it probably wouldn't be that bad. The lady who took the pictures was very honest. And I quote: "Oh, honey, nevermind. That pose is just not attractive." At least she was nice about it. Oh, wait, no she wasn't. Bitch. No, but really, she was super nice and I think the pictures came out good. But she wouldn't let any of my underwear show, and I wore sexy Calvin Klines for the occasion! She said that it was too "provocative" and that "my parents probably wouldn't appreciate the sexuality of it all". Actually, I think they would. Here's a little conversation I had with my mom today.

Me: Where's Emma?
Mom: She's at the neighbors.
Me: Why is she over there alone?
Mom: I would have stayed, but they said 'goodbye' to me when I got there.
Me: Why?
Mom: I don't know.
Me: Maybe they think that you're a bad parent.
Mom: Well, they can suck me.
Me: What?
Mom: You heard me. Suck it long and hard.

I couldn't believe my mother said that, but she did. Sometimes, I'm impressed by her ballsiness. She probably has bigger testicals than me.

Molly Person is trying to set me up with a sophmore she knows, and I don't know if I should go for it. She said that he's shorter than me (and I kinda like them tall, if you know what I mean...), and that he's pale (which is code for 'pastier than Snow White's ass). Also, he's two years younger. If he's short, pale, and young, I'll just end up looking like a pedaphile. Which is never good. (just ask Michael Jackson. He would know. Oh, wait, he's dead... awkard.) But I haven't seen him, and Molly says that he's cute so... but even if I do like him, there's no guarentee that he'll like me back. Which brings me to my next question: why DON'T i have a boyfriend? Am I just utterly deficient in a necassary dating department?

Well, ignore that pathetic plea for compliments. I think that's enough for the moment. I DO have some homework to do. But homework is gay. Not "gay" gay, but stupid gay, you know? I don't know why gay people get so worked over people using the word incorrectly. I do it all the time, especially when I'm playing Xbox. But whatever. Have some bone-grinding sex for me, cause I ain't getting any.

Procrastination...

Is my biggest fault. I just couldn't bring myslef to do anything for the past couple weeks. Actually, that's a little bit of a lie. Since school got out, I've been running a couple miles a day with thoughts of "fitness" in my mind. Honestly, I feel just as lazy as ever, but now I've got some exercise under my belt, so suck on that.

Also, I've been volunteering for the last couple weeks as well. At Lion's Park ,near Ralph's thriftway, the City of Olympia hosts this SKIPP program for kids grades 6-12. I've been volunteering there and its been a lot of fun. Sadly, I leave for Florida tomorrow, so I had to say goodbye. That's okay though; I'll just get a job down south and get paid! Through legitmate, non-prostitution mean of course...

Interestingly enough, I've been writing a lot of fanfiction. Okay, not a lot, but a good four chapters on some new stuff I've been working on. And, get this, there's actually some plot involved. AND I'm saving the sex for later chapters! Weird, I know, but I'm sort of tired of the passionless, meaningless sex a lot of authors like to write about. The sex is much better (and so much hotter) when they love one another. So, I'll have to stick with shady glances and "accidental" touching for the time being - but the climax IS coming. (hahaha... get it?)

My stepdad's parents are visiting right, and they are sleeping my room. In my bed. Eating my food. They're nice people, but they have a way of saying things in a most impolite and irritating manner. I made coffee one morning (I made it dark because that's the way, uh-huh uh-huh, I like it) and they came into the kitchen, sat down at the table and said, "Oh, good you made coffee. Can you pour us a cup?" Now, I was fine getting them coffee (and sugar AND cream) but Owen (the granddad) made a face and said, "Geez, coffee's kind of bitter, innit?" I said that I like my coffee dark and he said "Oh, well, I'll be sure to pick up some good coffee later." His tone had implications. Vast implications. Sorry that my coffee isn't good enough. Then, he looked at me and asked what was for breakfast. I said that we had cereal and eggs and fruit. "Oh, I'll take a bowl of cereal and a banana and some scrambled eggs." Suddenly, I became an unpaid employee in my own home. I didn't know what to say to this, so I made them breakfast. Then I washed the dishes. afterwards, Owen said "Eggs could have used a little bit more salt, there." I smiled and said that I would try harder next time.

Which reminds me: the SATs. F my life, I only scored an 1800, which isn't terrible, but it's not as high as I wanted. I got an 8 on my essay, and I'm not entirely sure why. But, no worries, I'll just take it again in October. My goal is 2100 at least, so I guess I should start studying in late August.

Fourth of July was fun; we bought a few fireworks and set them off behind the house. I was almost tempted to light a fire, with hopes that some sexy firemen would come, but I resisited. Ooh, maybe I should volunteer at the Fire Department is September? What a good idea! Fireman are so sexy... like policemen... and doctors... and soldiers... I love a man in uniform.

Hopefully I'll wite again soon!

So Much To Say

A lot has happened since the last time I wrote, partially because my life is just that exciting and partially because I haven't written for a century or three. Huh. Go me.

Well, today while I was eating at Yukio's (an absolutely fabulous Chinese resturant next to Albertson's. They are so good, the place is tiny, and is run by this family of Asian women. Who are also adorable) there were some intoxicated bums who decided to camp out next to the resturaunt. Would've been okay, except one of them fell down in front of the door and proceeded to keep people from entering/leaving Yukio's. So the Asian lady called the police and he came (like freakin' fifteen minutes later. Geez. What if somebody had died or something? And he wasn't even hot!) and *asked* them to leave. They did and I left the place with my family. Cool.

Then I went to church. No offense to old people, but they have some pretty bad humor going on. I mean, one of them would say something remotely funny, and the rest of them would simply explode with laughter. Father Jim was talking about being sheep and how this one time he almost hit one with his motorcycle... the story was chuckle worthy, but those old folks thought that it was the funniest thing since the crucifixation of Jesus. Hahhahaha... not that funny.

No, haven't talked to Ollie yet. Don't think I'm going to. I mean, he's nice and everything, but whenever I check his status on Facebook, it's always, "Oh my weekend sucked" or "I had a bad night last night" or "My life is just so terrible..." or something else pathetic. Honey, I need a MAN, not some boyish damaged goods. Can you imagine the sex? He'd probably burst into tears if I don't moan the right frquency, or with the correct volume. Sorry Ollie, but you have way too many issues. It might funny to see him jail though. If he's already life's bitch, I think he's going to make several convicted felons VERY happy.

I have a weird bump on my ass. If I posted a picture, could you tell me what it is?

JUST KIDDING! About both the bump and the picture.

No, I will not go roller skating in booty shorts. NO spandex. NONE.

Erg... I definetly don't feel good. Maybe later I'll blog about Left 4 Dead but right now I need some ice cream...

I wonder, occasionally, if all of the work I put in to everything is really worth the effort. I mean, I do all of my math homework, and still bomb on the tests. Ditto for chemistry. Granted, I could work harder, but I think I should get SOMETHING for the effort I did put into stuff... like home-life. Bah... maybe it really doesn't matter anyways.

Anyhow, Bioshock 2 is coming out soon-ish. It's a really sweet game, and honestly, I planning on waiting in line for it at the game store when it comes out. I'm so excited. Another thing that is exciting is my Dance Class Music Video Project. I'm dressin' in drag and everything, so if you want to see something fun, swing by the PAC during 5th period. Not that advocating class-skippage, but you know...

And no, Abbie and Emily, I haven't talked to Ollie yet. What the hell am I supposed to say? Nothing that you've suggested in-so-far. We don't have much in common, other than the entire "I like penis and so does he" bit. Besides, he's older, in college, and lives far away. Sounds like a terrible mix to me. Like if you were Britney Spears and decided to mix pills and booze while cutting your own hair in the back of an elementary school, right before you perform "If You Are Seeking Amy" in front of a bunch of third-graders. Doesn't that sound like fun?

Anyhow, other than my lifelong crisis with boylessness, otherwise, everything else is fine. Wait. Oh, there is that little thing where we have to take AP tests in like three weeks. No big deal. Hahaha....

I don't know really. I also don't really have anything interesting to say. Soooo.... maybe I'll be more exciting later. I do have semi-juicy gossip, but it's family related and I wouldn't want to post that online. Gah... and it's so interesting., too. Alrighty, then, I got some hardcore sailor moon watching to do. Ta tas, my ta tas...

What the Hell is With Protesters?

I just read a wonderful report concerning the protests in London. They are protesting the G-20 Summit meeting thing; um, did I miss something, or wasn't this summit supposed to be for everyone? Why are they protesting? Oh, I also saw some things like "Consumers suck" and "The Death of Capitilism". I love it when protesters complain about police brutality. "They hit me on the head, we're only 18, they're hitting children..." that's what one person said. Alright, first, if you consider yourself a child, you shouldn't be at a demonstation like this. Second, what do you think is going to happen when you scream and yell and vandalize and charge at the police blockade? Um... personally, I think that "kid" should have been jailed. You aren't protesting when you start being violent: that defeats the entire point of protesting! Oh, one more thing: lots of people were drinking. WoW. Drunk, stupid English college students all protesting different things. Sounds effective to me.

Which brings to another point: Aren't we all consumers? I mean, how else do you buy your food and water and electricity and internet? And sure, capilitism may not be the best form of economics; but I don't see any of these people offering possible solutions. Dumb people just bitcha and complain but never actually take action. Hm. Sounds like liberals! Haha just kidding... no, actually, I wasn't.

I don't understand this, so help me out on this one. My parents won't let me get my license because their premiums will go up. This I get, Insurance is expensive. But this I don't get; how come I can't get my license, how come I can't get a phone, how come I can't get anything, and my stepdad can buy a motorcyle (now sold), a camper, a truck, a grill, and a gun? Not all at once, mind you, but over the last two years. These items add up. And yet, I can't drive because it's too expensive. I didn't even ask for a car! (Later, they told me that getting my license was a slippery slope because I'd want a car and I'd want this and I'd need that. I told them that was a slippery slope fallacy and they told me not to talk back. WHAT THE FUCK.) My stepdad told me to be patient, cause if I push I won't get anything. But if I don't push, I end up with nothing anyways! I CANNOT WAIT until I can move out. I CAN'T WAIT.

Today was cool.

I really liked today. I went to SPSCC, saw some hot guys, hung out with some really cool people and got to eat lunch at the mall! AND I missed four periods of school. SCORE!

Okay, is it just me, or does it seem like about 99.9% of poetry is written in free verse? I mean, I've been reading some "award winning" poetry online lately, and all I could do was scream "WHY IN GOD'S HOLY FUCKING NAME WAS THAT GIVEN AN AWARD?!" The poem had no meter, had no rhyme scheme... it was basically prose that somebody had chopped up and spaced onto paper! ANYONE can write that! Granted, I shouldn't be judging what "real" poetry is, but still. It annoys me when people put alot of time and effort into their writing and receive the same amount of recognition as the poem that just yelled angrily and uses lots of connotative words. Grr... Contemporary writers sort of piss me off. I apploud them, of course, but I hate the mind set that you can throw something on paper and then publish it and the New York Times will proclaim it a best seller! Have you read some of these so-called best sellers? A lot of them SUCK. (Like Twilight... Stephanie Meyer should NOT have been so successful.)

Well, sorry for that short rant on writers. I just felt that I had to get that out. Oh, one more update! The Google Toolbar at the top doesn't give me money just by searches: you have to click on an ad on the search page (there will be a box with the ads). That's where the income comes from. I did a test run to figure that out! Woohoo!

Wait: there's one more thing. My sister (older sister!) is all like "Russell, why don't you have a boyfriend?" And I found that I couldn't answer her. But you know what: I'll date someone when I find a guy that I actually want to date! I don't want to settle: and I don't want my relationship to be crappy! But... I suppose TALKING to other males wouldn't hurt either. Hm... I don't know. I don't think it's THAT important... but, I guess I should try a little harder though. ;)