To Be Homosexual...

Oh look, a flying scrotum...

2009-09-30T19:00:00.000-07:00

I don't really know what's up with the title, but whatever. I am so excited for Emily's workout video! It's gonna be the best thing since humanity invented the missionary position. (I heard the French invented it, and I really wouldn't be surprised...) Anyhow, I think the idea of wearing jean booty shorts and a vest is gonna be sexy. They'll be distracted by my bulge that they won't pay attention to the actual video. We should so some panoramic shots, so they can see all of our assests. Jean thong wedgies aren't too inappropriate, right? Or maybe we should do the video in our Clover Park Tech shirts! And then during the scene change we can wear our pig shirts from french! The CP guys are gonna be so freakin impressed. MTV will probably give a contract or something. You can count on it.

I did senior portraits a couple days ago, and when I get them, I might post a couple on the web. Of course, I haven't checked my Facebook since the summer, but that's okay. I really should be working on my homework, but that shit sucks balls. Figuratively of course. If it were literal, it probably wouldn't be that bad. The lady who took the pictures was very honest. And I quote: "Oh, honey, nevermind. That pose is just not attractive." At least she was nice about it. Oh, wait, no she wasn't. Bitch. No, but really, she was super nice and I think the pictures came out good. But she wouldn't let any of my underwear show, and I wore sexy Calvin Klines for the occasion! She said that it was too "provocative" and that "my parents probably wouldn't appreciate the sexuality of it all". Actually, I think they would. Here's a little conversation I had with my mom today.

Me: Where's Emma?
Mom: She's at the neighbors.
Me: Why is she over there alone?
Mom: I would have stayed, but they said 'goodbye' to me when I got there.
Me: Why?
Mom: I don't know.
Me: Maybe they think that you're a bad parent.
Mom: Well, they can suck me.
Me: What?
Mom: You heard me. Suck it long and hard.

I couldn't believe my mother said that, but she did. Sometimes, I'm impressed by her ballsiness. She probably has bigger testicals than me.

Molly Person is trying to set me up with a sophmore she knows, and I don't know if I should go for it. She said that he's shorter than me (and I kinda like them tall, if you know what I mean...), and that he's pale (which is code for 'pastier than Snow White's ass). Also, he's two years younger. If he's short, pale, and young, I'll just end up looking like a pedaphile. Which is never good. (just ask Michael Jackson. He would know. Oh, wait, he's dead... awkard.) But I haven't seen him, and Molly says that he's cute so... but even if I do like him, there's no guarentee that he'll like me back. Which brings me to my next question: why DON'T i have a boyfriend? Am I just utterly deficient in a necassary dating department?

Well, ignore that pathetic plea for compliments. I think that's enough for the moment. I DO have some homework to do. But homework is gay. Not "gay" gay, but stupid gay, you know? I don't know why gay people get so worked over people using the word incorrectly. I do it all the time, especially when I'm playing Xbox. But whatever. Have some bone-grinding sex for me, cause I ain't getting any.

Procrastination...

2009-07-05T15:54:00.000-07:00

Is my biggest fault. I just couldn't bring myslef to do anything for the past couple weeks. Actually, that's a little bit of a lie. Since school got out, I've been running a couple miles a day with thoughts of "fitness" in my mind. Honestly, I feel just as lazy as ever, but now I've got some exercise under my belt, so suck on that.

Also, I've been volunteering for the last couple weeks as well. At Lion's Park ,near Ralph's thriftway, the City of Olympia hosts this SKIPP program for kids grades 6-12. I've been volunteering there and its been a lot of fun. Sadly, I leave for Florida tomorrow, so I had to say goodbye. That's okay though; I'll just get a job down south and get paid! Through legitmate, non-prostitution mean of course...

Interestingly enough, I've been writing a lot of fanfiction. Okay, not a lot, but a good four chapters on some new stuff I've been working on. And, get this, there's actually some plot involved. AND I'm saving the sex for later chapters! Weird, I know, but I'm sort of tired of the passionless, meaningless sex a lot of authors like to write about. The sex is much better (and so much hotter) when they love one another. So, I'll have to stick with shady glances and "accidental" touching for the time being - but the climax IS coming. (hahaha... get it?)

My stepdad's parents are visiting right, and they are sleeping my room. In my bed. Eating my food. They're nice people, but they have a way of saying things in a most impolite and irritating manner. I made coffee one morning (I made it dark because that's the way, uh-huh uh-huh, I like it) and they came into the kitchen, sat down at the table and said, "Oh, good you made coffee. Can you pour us a cup?" Now, I was fine getting them coffee (and sugar AND cream) but Owen (the granddad) made a face and said, "Geez, coffee's kind of bitter, innit?" I said that I like my coffee dark and he said "Oh, well, I'll be sure to pick up some good coffee later." His tone had implications. Vast implications. Sorry that my coffee isn't good enough. Then, he looked at me and asked what was for breakfast. I said that we had cereal and eggs and fruit. "Oh, I'll take a bowl of cereal and a banana and some scrambled eggs." Suddenly, I became an unpaid employee in my own home. I didn't know what to say to this, so I made them breakfast. Then I washed the dishes. afterwards, Owen said "Eggs could have used a little bit more salt, there." I smiled and said that I would try harder next time.

Which reminds me: the SATs. F my life, I only scored an 1800, which isn't terrible, but it's not as high as I wanted. I got an 8 on my essay, and I'm not entirely sure why. But, no worries, I'll just take it again in October. My goal is 2100 at least, so I guess I should start studying in late August.

Fourth of July was fun; we bought a few fireworks and set them off behind the house. I was almost tempted to light a fire, with hopes that some sexy firemen would come, but I resisited. Ooh, maybe I should volunteer at the Fire Department is September? What a good idea! Fireman are so sexy... like policemen... and doctors... and soldiers... I love a man in uniform.

Hopefully I'll wite again soon!

So Much To Say

2009-05-04T20:59:00.000-07:00

A lot has happened since the last time I wrote, partially because my life is just that exciting and partially because I haven't written for a century or three. Huh. Go me.

Well, today while I was eating at Yukio's (an absolutely fabulous Chinese resturant next to Albertson's. They are so good, the place is tiny, and is run by this family of Asian women. Who are also adorable) there were some intoxicated bums who decided to camp out next to the resturaunt. Would've been okay, except one of them fell down in front of the door and proceeded to keep people from entering/leaving Yukio's. So the Asian lady called the police and he came (like freakin' fifteen minutes later. Geez. What if somebody had died or something? And he wasn't even hot!) and *asked* them to leave. They did and I left the place with my family. Cool.

Then I went to church. No offense to old people, but they have some pretty bad humor going on. I mean, one of them would say something remotely funny, and the rest of them would simply explode with laughter. Father Jim was talking about being sheep and how this one time he almost hit one with his motorcycle... the story was chuckle worthy, but those old folks thought that it was the funniest thing since the crucifixation of Jesus. Hahhahaha... not that funny.

No, haven't talked to Ollie yet. Don't think I'm going to. I mean, he's nice and everything, but whenever I check his status on Facebook, it's always, "Oh my weekend sucked" or "I had a bad night last night" or "My life is just so terrible..." or something else pathetic. Honey, I need a MAN, not some boyish damaged goods. Can you imagine the sex? He'd probably burst into tears if I don't moan the right frquency, or with the correct volume. Sorry Ollie, but you have way too many issues. It might funny to see him jail though. If he's already life's bitch, I think he's going to make several convicted felons VERY happy.

I have a weird bump on my ass. If I posted a picture, could you tell me what it is?

JUST KIDDING! About both the bump and the picture.

No, I will not go roller skating in booty shorts. NO spandex. NONE.

Erg... I definetly don't feel good. Maybe later I'll blog about Left 4 Dead but right now I need some ice cream...

2009-04-22T18:26:00.000-07:00

I wonder, occasionally, if all of the work I put in to everything is really worth the effort. I mean, I do all of my math homework, and still bomb on the tests. Ditto for chemistry. Granted, I could work harder, but I think I should get SOMETHING for the effort I did put into stuff... like home-life. Bah... maybe it really doesn't matter anyways.

Anyhow, Bioshock 2 is coming out soon-ish. It's a really sweet game, and honestly, I planning on waiting in line for it at the game store when it comes out. I'm so excited. Another thing that is exciting is my Dance Class Music Video Project. I'm dressin' in drag and everything, so if you want to see something fun, swing by the PAC during 5th period. Not that advocating class-skippage, but you know...

And no, Abbie and Emily, I haven't talked to Ollie yet. What the hell am I supposed to say? Nothing that you've suggested in-so-far. We don't have much in common, other than the entire "I like penis and so does he" bit. Besides, he's older, in college, and lives far away. Sounds like a terrible mix to me. Like if you were Britney Spears and decided to mix pills and booze while cutting your own hair in the back of an elementary school, right before you perform "If You Are Seeking Amy" in front of a bunch of third-graders. Doesn't that sound like fun?

Anyhow, other than my lifelong crisis with boylessness, otherwise, everything else is fine. Wait. Oh, there is that little thing where we have to take AP tests in like three weeks. No big deal. Hahaha....

I don't know really. I also don't really have anything interesting to say. Soooo.... maybe I'll be more exciting later. I do have semi-juicy gossip, but it's family related and I wouldn't want to post that online. Gah... and it's so interesting., too. Alrighty, then, I got some hardcore sailor moon watching to do. Ta tas, my ta tas...

What the Hell is With Protesters?

2009-04-01T18:31:00.000-07:00

I just read a wonderful report concerning the protests in London. They are protesting the G-20 Summit meeting thing; um, did I miss something, or wasn't this summit supposed to be for everyone? Why are they protesting? Oh, I also saw some things like "Consumers suck" and "The Death of Capitilism". I love it when protesters complain about police brutality. "They hit me on the head, we're only 18, they're hitting children..." that's what one person said. Alright, first, if you consider yourself a child, you shouldn't be at a demonstation like this. Second, what do you think is going to happen when you scream and yell and vandalize and charge at the police blockade? Um... personally, I think that "kid" should have been jailed. You aren't protesting when you start being violent: that defeats the entire point of protesting! Oh, one more thing: lots of people were drinking. WoW. Drunk, stupid English college students all protesting different things. Sounds effective to me.

Which brings to another point: Aren't we all consumers? I mean, how else do you buy your food and water and electricity and internet? And sure, capilitism may not be the best form of economics; but I don't see any of these people offering possible solutions. Dumb people just bitcha and complain but never actually take action. Hm. Sounds like liberals! Haha just kidding... no, actually, I wasn't.

I don't understand this, so help me out on this one. My parents won't let me get my license because their premiums will go up. This I get, Insurance is expensive. But this I don't get; how come I can't get my license, how come I can't get a phone, how come I can't get anything, and my stepdad can buy a motorcyle (now sold), a camper, a truck, a grill, and a gun? Not all at once, mind you, but over the last two years. These items add up. And yet, I can't drive because it's too expensive. I didn't even ask for a car! (Later, they told me that getting my license was a slippery slope because I'd want a car and I'd want this and I'd need that. I told them that was a slippery slope fallacy and they told me not to talk back. WHAT THE FUCK.) My stepdad told me to be patient, cause if I push I won't get anything. But if I don't push, I end up with nothing anyways! I CANNOT WAIT until I can move out. I CAN'T WAIT.

Today was cool.

2009-03-31T17:34:00.000-07:00

I really liked today. I went to SPSCC, saw some hot guys, hung out with some really cool people and got to eat lunch at the mall! AND I missed four periods of school. SCORE!

Okay, is it just me, or does it seem like about 99.9% of poetry is written in free verse? I mean, I've been reading some "award winning" poetry online lately, and all I could do was scream "WHY IN GOD'S HOLY FUCKING NAME WAS THAT GIVEN AN AWARD?!" The poem had no meter, had no rhyme scheme... it was basically prose that somebody had chopped up and spaced onto paper! ANYONE can write that! Granted, I shouldn't be judging what "real" poetry is, but still. It annoys me when people put alot of time and effort into their writing and receive the same amount of recognition as the poem that just yelled angrily and uses lots of connotative words. Grr... Contemporary writers sort of piss me off. I apploud them, of course, but I hate the mind set that you can throw something on paper and then publish it and the New York Times will proclaim it a best seller! Have you read some of these so-called best sellers? A lot of them SUCK. (Like Twilight... Stephanie Meyer should NOT have been so successful.)

Well, sorry for that short rant on writers. I just felt that I had to get that out. Oh, one more update! The Google Toolbar at the top doesn't give me money just by searches: you have to click on an ad on the search page (there will be a box with the ads). That's where the income comes from. I did a test run to figure that out! Woohoo!

Wait: there's one more thing. My sister (older sister!) is all like "Russell, why don't you have a boyfriend?" And I found that I couldn't answer her. But you know what: I'll date someone when I find a guy that I actually want to date! I don't want to settle: and I don't want my relationship to be crappy! But... I suppose TALKING to other males wouldn't hurt either. Hm... I don't know. I don't think it's THAT important... but, I guess I should try a little harder though. ;)

Good News and... Good news!

2009-03-30T20:08:00.000-07:00

Woo! I'm super excited for tomorrow! It's like Christmas... or better! First, I get to miss half of school. Second, I get to have lunch at El Sarape's! (sp?) Third, I have Coconut Cream Pie for desert after Mexican food! YAYAYAYAYAAAAY! I'm super happy!

Oh, and another thing: I got me some sexy Calvin Klein undies! They are soooo sexy!! Thanks to Lydia and Paige, I have now officially taken my first step to becoming a world famous porn star!! JUST KIDDING! Well, if money get's tight I might... er... take up a job on the side, so to speak. But they are super cute! I love them! Hey, that gives me an idea for a new poll... check it out!

Hum ho, I'm watching Fox and the Hound (such a sad movie!) and Tod and Copper's relationship reminds me of a certain societal flaw:

Copper: I don't care if he's a fox! I want to be with him!
Chief: You'll never see the boy again!
Copper: Waaah!!
Tod(watching from bushes): *whispers* I love you Copper!

*later*

Copper: WE could get in big trouble for seeing each other...
Tod: I don't care. I like you.
Copper: I like you too. Let's be friends forever!
Tod: Er... just friends?
Copper: What do you mean?
Tod: Um... nothing. Scoot closer, it's starting to rain.
Copper: Okay. *moves closer* Is this good?
Tod: Mmmm... that's great.

*later*

Copper: Oh no! Chief is coming! You have to hide!
Tod: It's time they found out about US. I'm not scared of him!
Copper: WEll, I am! *shoves Tod under blanket*
Chief: Copper? What in tarnation are you doin' in there?
Tod: *under breath* Not what, more like who!
Copper: Shut up! Shut up! He's coming!

Anyway, that's the way I see it. I always thought Copper and Tod were adorable when I was little. Now I know why. ;)

AH!!!

2009-03-24T22:25:00.000-07:00

Oh my GOD!! I was previewing my blog and I saw an ad that said "Meet sexy gays in your area!"

YES!!! I'm now hosting gay personals ads! My life's aspiration has been achieved. I'm so freakin' exited...

Oh, scroll down for another new post. And don't forget to vote on the poll if you haven't already!

This just in... I just saw a gay military ad! Technically, I'm not supposed to click on my own ads... but what if I'm legitimately interested in what the ad is offering? I mean, gay military men... so hard to resist! They're so stoic and tough... but on the inside they're sweet and sensitive!

And one more thing: I've added a google search bar to the site! I know, not that big of a deal, but if I'm talking about a game or something that you don't understand, now you can google it! (And, the search bar acts as an ad, so use it as often as you like!) Thanks for your support, oh seven or eight people who read! The search bar is at the top, under the "Search Blog" search bar.

In Response to the dating Conflict

2009-03-24T10:19:00.000-07:00

Okay, just because someone isn't "intelligent" doesn't mean that they are stupid! It just means that they don't do physics or calculus (things that I don't plan on taking!). There is a little bit of grey area between "retard" and "genius", you know. However, Abbie Fulton pointed out something very important: I think that I have problems with smart who people who BRAG about it constantly. I mean, who wants to be with someone who is always talking about their 4.1 GPA? Not me. I dislike the arrogance and egosim that comes with an intelligent person. It's one thing to be proud if yourself for overachieving and overextending yourslef. It's a completely different thing when you rub your smarts into other people's faces. Finally, I'd like to say this: intelligence is important, but I place more value on traits like... like moral fiber, for lack of a better phrase. I'd rather date a "good" guy, as opposed to a "smart" guy. Oh! One more thing! Evelyn said something about sitting around drooling, if he isn't smart. Not true. I'd rather have a guy who wants to play "Left 4 Dead" with me (which is an awesome game, I might write about it later) or watch dumb chick flicks than sit around and discuss the socio-economic effects of the Korean War on Post-Fifties America. I just might start drooling, because that is BORRRRRING!

This will be a quick (I think) blurb on the A-bombs in Japan. I wanna get this out: I don't think that is was "right" for America to bomb Japan like that. The simultaneous deaths of thousands is never justifiable. I think we should have let them evacuate, or we should have warned them that we had a nuke, or we should have bombed a military installation instead of a civilian city. WE should have done something different. But, I really don't see any other logical choice. If we had assaulted Japan directly, HUNDREDS of thousands of people would have died, both Americans and Japanese. Diplomatic negotiations were useless: Japan had absolutely no intetntion of surrendering. They were going to fight until the very end. And there would have been countless casulties. And, to someone's comment on America entering the war (I think it was Anisa, but it could have been Evelyn or Kayla. I don't remember.), we were forced into conflict. We tried for almost ten years to keep our troops out of the firefights. True, we did offer significant aid to the Allies, but only supplies, not men. Japan attacked first (well, after we embargoed oil and steel. But what were we supposed to do? Give Hitler the supplies he needed to take over the world? I don't think so.). And you can't reason with madmen: Hitler wasn't about to abandon his scheme for world domination, just someone asked nicely. And you couldn't take the moral high ground here. "War isn't right. It's not right to be part of something that kills people." Sure, that sounds nice. But honestly, hoping that mankind will reach a permanent peace of any kind is pure sophistry. If we hadn't participated in WWII, Europe would have collaspsed. Britain might have lost as well. Then, it would have just been us, praying for peace, against three world powers. If America had lost itself in vaunted righteousness, forever doing the "right" thing, I don't think that all of us would be here. If we had held our noses high and pursued a path of moral correctness... things might have been horrible. Sometimes, the "right" thing to do requires a little moral flexibility. Thievery is wrong, but we still admire Robin Hood. "Spreading the wealth" is only fair to the poor, not to the rich, some of whom toiled and worked for their fortunes. It was not "right" to detonate those bombs. But I think that, in the long run, it saved more lives than frontal warfare, diplomatic attempts, and stubborn pacifism would have. Honestly, I think life would be easier if China ruled the world: if we all think and act the same, there wouldn't be any more war. But, then we wouldn't be human anymore, would we? Conflict is human. We argue, we fight, and we disagree. But this is not necessarily bad: through conflict and hardship, we grow. And I think that humanity has a lot of growing to do.

Geez, that was much longer than I thought it was going to be. I guess that's all for tonight.

OH! BIG NEWS! I MADE $0.38 TODAY! My first earnings for this blog! I'm so excited! I don't think know if I am allowed to say this but, if you get a chance, just click on an ad when you're done reading! It adds to my click count which gets money! (I think that's how it works...) It's quick, only takes a second (you're here anyways, why not get a laugh for clicking on the tatoo removal add?) and it helps me! Thanks a bunch for reading! I know there's only like five or six of you, but it still means a lot!

Real Stories??

2009-03-19T21:23:00.000-07:00

Wow, I'd love to tell real stories, but I'm afraid my life is a tad mundane. Um.. The cute boy at school looked at me today...? Lame.

Well, I'm going to miss the WASL schedule. I got to see so many hot guys that I usually don't, and that kinda makes my day. What was that thing Mr. Schaefer said in class? "War makes strange bedfellows," right? Well, if that's the case, I might just have to enlist.

Okay, lately, Ive been having this strange attraction to men in business suits. Like, lawyers and office workers? The suits are just so measured and trim and... well fitting. The suits are tight enough so you can see the outline of their figure, but thick enough to leave the important parts to my imagination. Which is quite vast. Quite. And then, htye ruin it with the tie. The ties are always so hideous! Sometimes I feel like screaming "You don't wear a checkered tie with a pin stripe suit!" Duh! Geez, men are so stupid. And Rhianon, before you say anything about my fetish for dumb guys, I'd like to state this plainly and clearly: It's not stupid guys I'm into. It's just that, intelligence tends to complicate things. And, if you've ever noticed, it's the smart people who are the most dangerous. They are the ones who plan and scheme and deviate because they have the capacity for it. I don't object to dating someone who is as smart as I am, or smarter. I just think that intelligence shouldn't be one of the defining elements in a partner. Sure, it helps. But who would you rather date: a smart man who is witty, social, brilliantly attractive, but has certain moral flaws such as dishonesty and vanity? I'd rather have someone who can't recall the properties of magnesium, but instead remembers our anniversery. He should have common sense, but not enough as to eclipse me as a father does his child. We should be students of life together; this is an equal, reciprocal relationship, not a mentor-student connection. In other words, if either of us teaches, we should teach and learn equally.

Anyhow, that's the ideal situation. It's bedtime soon. I know this post was more serioud than usual, but I couldn't think of anything else to write about. As soon as I get a beau, juicy stories will fly your way. Well, maybe not all. But definitely some!

Oh, PS. I'm watching Grey's Anatomy right now: it's freakin ridiculous. It's so dramatic and stupid and mooshy. I've worked with my mom in her hospital, and NOTHING like the dramatics happens there. Do you realize how unprofessional these people act? REAL doctors don't go around kissing each other and sleeping around and all of this other shit. They act like high schoolers and it pisses me off. A lot. They let their personal lives take priority over their patients and work. What the hell? I don't support Grey's Anatomy. Just so you know. ;)

Winks Hay!

2009-03-16T19:22:00.000-07:00

I hate it when people spell "hey" h-a-y. Hay is for horses, losers! Er... anyway, I got the ads up! It took me a few minutes (okay, like an hour) to figure out what was going on. But, I did it. One thing though, I still can't figure out how to control the content of the ads, so sometimes there's random stuff like "Tattoo Removal", but I looked at the ads a couple times and I think they are mostly based on content within the Blog. I think. Cause I saw a couple about men, then another about Obama. Should I turn the safe filter off? I was kinda worried that the blog might turn into a porn hub or something terrible, but isn't this site already sort of pornographic anyhow? Well, I kept the safe filter on just because.

Another notice: I am thinking of changing the template of the blog, cause I feel all of the stuff is crammed in the middle and there's a lot of margin space that is just being wasted. Sad, I know. There's some way to modify the template, but I don't know how because it's all hard and technical and difficult and I do not want to spend the time to learn. BORING. I'm supposed to be finishing my essay, but.... er... this is more fun! Gah, DBQ due tomorrow! I'll just, uh, do it during WASL. Homework sucks. Like a clingy guy friend, who keeps reminding you of that one time in seventh grade, when you performed certain... favors. He just won't let it go. And you so desperately want to forget. And he keeps bringing it up! And now he wants a repeat performance! What the hell?! Not that I would know what that feels like. Er... I think his name was AJ... or Alex? Anyhow, not important. *sidenote* this story is fictional. I would never post an event in my life such as this. That is all. *end sidenote*

OMG. This just in: Hannah Montana Movie in April!!!! I know I shouldn't be excited, but I am. It's like Broke Back Mountain except with a blond chick and a straight cowboy and... wait, its nothing like Broke Back Mountain! Oops... alright, spontaneous girl moment is DONE.

And to end this lovely post, I must report my daily man sighting: Track guys in shorts... gotta love it. Baseball boys with cups. Soccer guys... well, just soccer guys in general. David Beckham has to be one of the hottest men on the face of this planet. Just google pics of him, and he'll appear semi-nude, even when you would have been content with a shirtless torso. The Internet is a kind mistress. A very, very kind woman. I love the Internet. And David. Mm... David.

Oh, last note, don't you ever let a gay man tell you he doesn't like sports. Because he does. Very much so. All of those sweaty, lean men bouncing balls, scoring goals, wearing under armor. I know nothing about sports, and yet, I can enjoy a good swim meet or two. Speedos have a bad habit or not covering very much. I like bad habits. ;)

Hey Guys...

2009-03-12T18:29:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone.

Alright, things are about to get very serious. Incrediably serious.

Very soon, Google will start paying me for posting ads on my blog (I know, I'm selling myself to the big corporation, but it's a step up from prostitution). So, therefore, I'm going to have to start blogging with inhuman frequency so you'll come back to the site as much as possible. So, I'm going to ask the few of you who DO read my blog to add yourselves as Disciples (thanks Anna! You added yourself a long time ago!). That way, whenever I post, you'll get an email notifying you of the post! Hooray! Also, whenver you get a chance, try to advertise my blog to other people! (Albeit, people who can tolerate the content. Telling Schaef to read my blog is NOT a good idea at all.)

Alright, so that's my little spiel! (sp?) I'm going to try REALLY hard to blog alot and about different things, so here we go!

Alright, let me get one thing out of the way (and not many people are going to like this...), but what the hell is up with Obama's popularity? It's like everytime I turn around, somebody is talking about Obama, or saying nice things about Obama, or worshipping their mini-Obama shrines! Seriously, he's just a person. ONE person. If you think about it, just as many people supported BUSH at the beginning of his term. So, what if Obama turns into a giant disappointment just because of all the hype and cult-like praise he's accumulated. Just like Fable 2? Don't even get me started on Fable 2! The creator hyped the game for like three years, constantly blabbing about what a good game it was going to be... so it comes out, and I play it and I was highly, highly, HIGHLY disappointed. It was a good game; it just didn't seem that great because it didn't really live up to the expectations the guy set for it. Major points go to homosexual realtions: you could have sex with a guy... and be a guy yourself! That part, I really, really, really like. You could tell people's sexual orientation just by looking at them, and most people were bisexual. *sigh* why can't real life be like that?

Oh, have I talked about Sgt. Forge from Halo Wars? He's hot. Like, not cute, not adorable, not pretty. But hot like, f*ck-me-till-I'm-raw-hot-then-f*ck me-some-more hot. He's a man's man. I like him. Very much so.

I submitted an "I saw you" earlier and I hope that it gets in. REad the school paper and see if you can tell which one is mine! It should be kinda obvious, but you know...

I tried messing with the "Hot Guy of the Week" thing, but it wasn't working out. The pictures end up being really small and you can't see any of the good parts!

Gotta go. XBOX is calling my name... it says "Russell... Russell... hot men from across the earth want to play with you..." That's what I hear anyhow.

On a side note: VIDEO GAMES

2009-02-18T22:12:00.000-08:00

Hello! I know, its been forever since I last blogged, but things keep getting in the way... mostly XBOX, but you know, I gotta keep my priorities straight and everthing! My life has been completely changed by Xbox live, and I have to physically restrain myself from palying when I should be doing my homework, or something as important as homework... or eating...

Anyways, online pay is really fun, but sometimes, the stuff people say (usually, it's boys. No surprise there.) is really gross and awful. And some of their gamertags (usernames) are incredibaly crude. For example:

xxxballz deepxxx: Hey, we're gonna fuck blue team up!

azZ r@pp3r6969: Yeah, we're gonna fuck the shit out of them!

ballz: I'm gonna fuck 'em so hard they'll bleed from the ass!

azZ: I'll hold 'em down and we'll take turns!

Anyways, this is just a short excerpt of the lovely rants I hear occasionally. Usually, people are nice, but then you hear people like this and its like... umm, seriously, maybe you should talk to someone about your violent sexual fantasies... maybe a doctor? Ane these are all teenage boys with their scratchy voices and gross man/boy giggles and everything. And they are completely shameless in the their use of the word "faggot". It comes up at least every other sentence. And then, when some people hear my voice over the mic, they think its funny to make fun of what a homo I am. This is a direct quote from me, while playing Halo in front of my parents:

Homophobic teenage boy: Dude, did you hear him? He's so gay!
Me: Yes, yes I am.
HTB: Dude, that means you like it up the ass!
Me: Yes, yes I do.
HTB: Gross, why do people like you even play Halo? Homos can't play video games!

(In game, I proced to kick his ass with a flamboyant and dextrous wave of a rocket launcher...)

Me: Hm. I guess that means you are the gayest person here, seeing as you came in last.
HTB: I didn't want to make you cry, faggot.
Me: Since you're so gay, can I ask you something?
HTB: Whatver, homo.
Me: You got a nice, big mouth on you, huh. Why don't you come over here and use it?
HTB:... uh... uh... *static on mic*
-Homophobic Teenage Boy left your game-
My mom: I can't believe you just said that...
My step dad: Why? The stupid kid deserved it.

I love Xbox live. Except, I will admit this: gays have a bad habit of sucking HARD at Halo. I was playing once with a guy that was REALLY gay, and he had negative points at the end of the game. And people were making fun of him, and I was like "Don't make fun of him cause he's gay; mke fun of him because he sucks!" The gay called me a traitor. I called him a n00b. So whatever.
I like playing with girls online cause when they lose, htey dont do "Oh, what the fuck! That's bullshit!" And when they win they don't say things like "I choked you with my massive cock!" or similiar obscenities. *sighs* I don't even know why I like boys. They're so stupid.

And so hot.

Oh my god, saw a cop in Target yesterday. I would've done him right then, right there. Okay, not right THERE, but you know, in his cop car... with handcuffs. Er... moving on...

Video games are so expensive. And so time consuming! It's like, "whoops, I've already played this game for fourteen hours and I got it yesterday..."

I tried to think of more hot video game guys, but I can't seem to think of any I haven't mentioned... have I mentioned the Prince of Persia? Geez, what a babe! All tan and golden and yummy and manly... mm... Axel from Final fantasy... mm, what a man! He's all buff and rugged and bad ass. He's a bad guy, but who cares? He's hot! And Carth Onasi from KOTOR! Mm... his voice actor sounds so hot. And he's all emotionally distraught because he lost his wife... that's the best time to strike you know, when they're sad and vulnerable! I mean, never take advantage of people! It's "wrong"! *cough*

Anyways, going to REAL men... bah, I have no time for real men! they have stoic emotions and are diffucult to figure out! I like video games... I can play with them however I want!

Alright, Alright...

2009-01-26T22:40:00.000-08:00

Alright guys I know I said that I would post sooner this week, and I know that I haven't... so I'll TRY to do it this week on one of the final days cause they're all like hald days and what not... so I will attempt to do that. I have LOTS to talk about, I just can't find the motivation to get online and do stuff, cause I'm sorta tryiong to do all of my homework and stuff. WEll, I could post this thing I'm doing for English. WE were supposed to make an "ad Absurdum" arguement for Enlgish, so I wrote a sort of twisted Adam/Eve crossover to Romeo and Juliet, except things don't really work out the way you think its going to... here it is!

Two young teenagers sat silently in a dim café, watching the melancholy moon rise into the twilight sky. There was a girl and a boy, both with downcast expressions and wistful eyes. At frequent intervals, they would glance towards one another, and then quickly divert their gazes, as if they suddenly found a crack on the wall or some gum on the floor inexplicably interesting. The girl delicately lifted a small cup to her pursed lips and sipped quietly at her coffee, then just as gently replaced the cup to its original position. She cleared her throat,
“Hey Adam.” The boy looked up at her. “This really sucks. I thought we went so well together…” she said. Her voice was almost inaudible despite the unnerving quiet. The boy nodded in agreement,
“Yeah, me too,” he said. “But Eve… no one wants us to be together…” he added. “My parents don’t want us hanging out anymore. They said that you’re a bad influence on me.” Eve smiled sadly,
“That’s what my parents told me. I guess I should thank them, though. They’ve kept our relationship a total secret.” She said.
“Mine too. They’ve kept it real hushed up.” Adam sighed and was silent for a moment. Then he said “But it’s not just them. All of my friends say the same kinda stuff. My best friend told me that you’re ‘bad candy’ or something like that.”
“I got that too. They all told me that you’re no good, and that I can do so much better and that I shouldn’t settle for someone like you.” She drew a deep breath, and then continued speaking, “Maybe they’re right.” She looked into Adam’s eyes for a moment, and then closed her eyes. “Maybe we just don’t belong together.” Adam reached to take her hand, and then recoiled.
“Yeah… Since everyone else thinks so, maybe we shouldn’t be together.” He said ruefully. “But at least we had some good times together.” He broke into a grin, and Eve smiled back.
“Yes. Old Lady Hilda’s pumpkin patch will never be the same…” she laughed.
“Or that photo booth in the mall. I almost feel bad for what we did in there.” Adam sighed again. “But that was then. It’s time for us to move on…” He stood up, and Eve rose as well. Together, they moved towards the exit, but paused momentously at the door.
“I’ll miss you…” Adam whispered.
“Me too…” Eve whispered back. They embraced for a long minute. As they pulled apart, a tall man who had been sitting at a table on the opposite side of the café approached them.
“Excuse me, but I couldn’t but help overhearing your conversation.” He said politely. “Am I correct in thinking that you two are thinking of separating?” Adam shrugged noncommittally,
“Yeah, I guess.” He said stoically.
“And pardon me for prying, but why would you do that? You two obviously have an affinity for one another.” Eve traced a small circle on the floor with the toe of her shoe,
“Well, no one else thinks we should be together…” She said shyly. The stranger threw his hands up,
“Ah, but who cares what others say!” he exclaimed, “What does the opinion of others matter to you? If destiny has led you to one another, who is to say you don’t belong together?” he smiled kindly and nodded. Eve shook her head,
“I don’t know…” she hesitated, “Everyone else says we shouldn’t be around each other anymore…”
“Hey, but maybe this stranger is right!” Adam interjected, “The only real thing that matters is how WE feel about each other!” Eve locked eyes with Adam,
“You really think so?” she asked. The stranger laughed good-naturedly,
“I don’t know. That’s up to you.” He said to Eve. She looked at the stranger, then at Adam and thought for a moment. Then, she smiled,
“I want to be with Adam. He’s the only one who understands me.” Adam beamed and embraced Eve tightly.
“Thanks, stranger!” he said jovially, “Thanks for opening my eyes. Come on Eve, let’s go.” Eve nodded and glanced at the stranger.
“Thank you, sir.” She said demurely. The pair left and the stranger returned to his table with a contented sigh.

About ten minutes after the departure of Adam and Eve, the café’s owner steps through the door. He looked to spot where Adam and Eve had resided and jerked his head towards the stranger.
“Good. About time those kids split up. They were no good together.” He grunted. The stranger smiled,
“Oh, those two? They left together.” The storeowner’s eyes widened,
“WHAT?!” he almost screamed, “But they were so close to breaking up!” He saw the grin on the stranger’s face and his eyes narrowed, “What did you do?” he growled threateningly. The stranger shrugged nonchalantly,
“Oh, I just gave them some helpful advice. It’s such a shame that everyone here was discouraging their little love affair…” The storeowner broke out into harsh laughter,
“Love affair?” he chuckled, “You thought those two were in love? They were criminals! Apart, they were just good, normal kids. But put them together, and man… it’s just asking for trouble.” The stranger’s face fell completely,
“Cr-criminals? But… but I thought…” he stuttered.
“Yeah, they were trouble makers. Took all of Hilda’s pumpkins and lit a huge bon fire in the middle of her garden and roasted them all.” The storeowner said.
“WHAT?!” The stranger cried out.
“Yep. And there was a photo booth that they vandalized pretty bad too. There was a whole slew of things those kids did…” The storeowner shook his head and faced the stranger,
“And this one time…” he started, but the stranger had already left, dashing towards a ruddy glow emanating from the center of town.

Tell me what you think of it!

Yo Comments Are Whack!

2009-01-15T22:01:00.001-08:00

Oh my god, this is so cool! Finally someone speaks out against crap comments! I hate it when people write stupid shit on YouTube, and I'm like, "If you're gonna call me a 'faggot', at least spell it correctly! I see so many people who spell it 'fagot' and I'm like, at least I'm not a illiterate douche bag like you!

Oh, and Rhiannon, I don't know what your friends are talking about, but the Sailor Moon I watch definitely doesnt't have porn.

My fave part of this video was at 1:45! The girl's face is so funny!
"Every other word is *bleep!* baby, or *bleep bleep!*" Loved this.

WOWOW

2009-01-14T00:08:00.000-08:00

Alright, two new posts, two new polls, so make sure you see everything!!

I worked late and hard (like all men should... ermh...) on this so you better like it! Comment, or at least talk to me at school about it!

Lyrical

2009-01-13T23:12:00.001-08:00

Here's a poem, cause I haven't penned any for a while

Unseen, unknown, you hide your heart
Placed it deep inside the dark
Resisting Cupid's loving sting
Afraid of what it might bring

"Love" you scoff, "And what more
Will I have to suffer for?
Love and pain and hurt and hate?
That is what I must abate?"

But I cry out, "'Tis not true!
Love is not that ghastly hue
You have colored it to be
It lets you grow! It sets you free!

Tis a wondorus oath between good friends
No fight or tear love cannot mend!
If you let it take your heart
Joy and peace are not far off!"

You glare at me with disdain
"Is it worth all that pain?
Of poisoned words and tainted lies
To suffer and hurt then bid good-bye?"

I reply, with great haste
"This one life, do not waste!
Tis better to have love and lost
Then to curse your tombstone's frost!"

Your lip curls, in disgust
"Why do you make all of this fuss?
What do you care if I'm alone
Till I'm buried 'neath the stone?"

I smile at you, depsite your words
"Because, pretender, you haven't heard
A single word that I have said
Your mind's awake but your ears are dead!

I love you, you foolish man!
See this ring upon my hand?
We took an oath to be true
And for forever, I'll love you."

In silent shock you gaze upon
Your own ring you thought gone
And with a guilty smile on your face
You take me in with full embrace.

"I thought wrong" I heard you speak
The words themselves, they left me weak
"That's okay..." I whispered close.
More beautiful we were than dancing prose.

That's that. It took me like thirty minutes, give or take five. It's good. I think I'll print a copy and keep it with me...

Back to 2009

2009-01-13T22:35:00.000-08:00

I haven't written in such a long time. It's actually sort of pathetic the way I abuse my online privliges. Watching youtube vids instead of posting here... mainly Sailor Moon. Which I absolutely LOVE by the way. If you don't know what Sailor Moon is, Google it or go to Wikipedia or something. You don't know what you're missing.

I should be finishing my chem lab report right now, but I'll do that later. I was thinking about posting a pic of me with my new undies (and just my undies...) but common sense kicked in *cough Julia cough* and I decided semi-nude photos on the web was just a bad idea. I mean, unless you guys really wanna see it. ;)

You know who's cute? Jory. He's in my chem class. He's so quiet and reserved... it's kinda sexy. Daniel, too. Ermh... anyways. Digressing. I got a game over break called Mass Effect. I really like it, it's an RPG that lets you make decisions and fall in love, but a very little, itsy bitsy thing that bothers me. YOU CAN'T HAVE A MALE CHARACTER AND HAVE A MALE LOVE INTEREST! Simply, you can't be gay. Well, that's not entirely true. If you make a woman, then you can, which is totally unfair. There's this alien, and "it's name is Liara. It's race, the Asari, is "non-gendered" and can mate with any gender and with any species to make babies. Thing is, they are so totally women! Their life stages are: Maiden, somehting I can't rememver, and MAtriarch. Those are definteyl female. And she has boobies! BREASTS!! They have female voice actors and they are have girly names. They are female. But, if you make a female character, you can have hot lesbian alien sex with Liara, but if you make a dude, you can't buttf*ck Lt. Kaiden, a man! (granted, he's sorta ugly, but the game's set in space and there's only so many men on one space ship. Actually, I wouldn't mind boning Joker, the pilot. Except he has a disease that makes his bones really brittle, and the sound of breaking bones really isn;t that sexy. Well, maybe for some people... but pain isn't sexy. At all. Well, maybe a little bit... Ermh... anywyas...) Another game I rented was Gears of War 2, and I fell in love with Benjamin Carmine. In Gears 1, I was hot for his older brother, Anthony, but then he got his head shot off. It was ugly. But anyways, the CArmine brothers... mmm.... Benjamin is the youngest of four brothers, and I thnk they're gonna put another bro in Gears 3. Anywyas, Benjamin is really attractive and my personal fave so far. He's tall and strong, and goofy and kinda clumsy, but that just makes me want to hug him (and in the process, feel all of those yummy, taut muscles underneath that skin-tight uniform which outline every little detail, including his... OMG I was literally drooling.) Um, um, anyways, he's cute. His voice actor did a good job of portraying his boyishness. If he was a person... I would... well, I don't think we need to illustrate that more that necassary... he's just so... mm... provokes a growling, groaning sound from the back of my throat.

Anyways, on a heterosexual tangent, in the same game was a guy named Dominic, who is searching for his wife (I know, lame right? JK! Well... kinda.) Anyways, he spends forever looking for her because she might still be alive. But when Dom and friends finally find her, she's been wasted away to almost nothing. She's still alive, but she doesn't even look human anymore. And Dom hugs her and starts crying and says "Maria! I don't care what you look like, I just want to hear your voice again!" She just stares at him with vacant eyes: she's dead on the inside. Then he hugs her and whispers, "I love you so much Maria... I just want you to know that I love you..." She just sways in the his arms and he starts sobbing. I literally started crying. I've never cried at a video game before, even when Colette lost her soul in Tales of Symphonia (whoa, different game, different story...). It was just so sad, and he had dedicated his life to finding MAria because he loved her so much, and when he finally found her, she was soul-less. His love was just so overwhelming, and I was like, "That's the kind of man I need: someone who will love me no matter what." I was so sad. It was absolutely tragic. Tragic...

Back to REAL men, do you guys think there is a sure way to tell if a guy is gay? (I mean, other then walking in on bonegrinding man-on-man intercourse...) Cause, sometimes, I just can't tell. I know I've alreadyposted somehting like this but, I'm curious... Anyways, here's a list of people I think are attractive: actually, that's a bad idea. Nevermind.

Why aren't there more gays at our school? It's ridiculous! this is Oly High! The doors should be bustin' with homos! I mean there are a couple, but they are all so... fem. I need a masculine gay. I mean, he doesn't have to own a gun, smoke, and ride a HArley, but a gay who doesn't flip his wrist and dress in drag would be nice. I know, I'm sorta fem, but I'm not the girliest gay in the world. On a scale of one to ten, one being Chuck Norris and ten being Mrs. Jay, I think I'm a six or five. I'm, not "He-Man", but I also don't wear lip gloss.

Wow this is way long. Alright, time for homwork I guess... WEll, maybe I could watch some Sailor Moon... just a couple episodes....

I jizzed in my pants

2008-12-14T23:43:00.001-08:00

OMG. That's exactly what I said, outloud, as I watched this. OMG. Oh. Em. Gee.

Alright, don't ask (I know, you're thinking, "WTF, with a capital fuck, is wrong with this person?") I just got done playing a game (ICEWIND DALE! WOOT!) and I decided that before I hit the hay, why not take a little trip over to Youtube? And you know how they have that little bar that has movies that other people are watching? Well, I saw this, and being the curious, devious, (*cough* perverted) wonder that I am, I just couldn't resist taking a peek. And I ended up with OMG. This is really hilarious. Personally, I've never experienced a spontanious orgasm, resulting in the befouling of my undergarments, but the guy's kinda cute. Except for those faces he makes... I wonder if he makes those expressions during the real thing... that would sorta ruin the mood. Scratch that, faces like those would DEFINITELY ruin the mood. I'd be like, "Um... you look like you just stepped in something."

Answer: "Maybe I did...!"
Me: "Ew."

2008-12-09T16:01:00.000-08:00

Alright, so on a short, random side note, I'm starting a new poll on favorite weapons. somebody *very* attractive offered the idea in french, so why not? Anyways, I thought about MY favorite weapon (no pun there, actually) and I came to the halberd. The *very* attractive person asks: "What's a halberd?" So I googled it and came up with this picture of a hot guy and a halberd. Then somebody said something about: "Betch you want him to hold YOUR shaft..." and then I started laughing. It's true. I do want to hold my shaft... *I mean, my halberd's shaft* *cough*

Sir Rupert, the Gay Knight

2008-12-08T21:25:00.001-08:00

This video is freakin' AWESOME!! I loved it; it's very well done, it's hilarious and the story-telling voice is perfectly tranquil. I'm not gonna lie, and that is to say/why can't I find a gay knight to take ME away?

On the Topic of... Well, Men of course!

2008-12-03T23:27:00.001-08:00

Okay, so I never wrote that oneshor, but i did one better: I'm finishing my 1984 fanfic, which you can read at this link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4312775/1/Memories_Are_Not_Forever

Anyways, its rated "M" (like this blog!) so readers beware! It's good, and I'm adding several chapters. I'm done with chapter four, so that should go up soon. Also, added a new poll to this site. Check it out!

I 'heart' O'Brien! he's such a vicious bastard! Well, not in my story... Also, I found this HILARIOUS madtv parody for Jewel (you know, the singer?). Just search "Mad TV Prostitution". (Don't worry, its only slighly in appropriate) Don't get scared of the name. It's funny. Check it out.

Is it just me, or does it seem like hot guys have an affinity for being assholes? Granted, that's not true in all cases (well... men have a bad habit of being full of themselves...), but really, everytime I see a cute guy, one of my friends leans over and whispers "Don't like him, he's a dick!" Dicks I like. But not the figurative kind. I'm really excited to get back into writing. I havent' written anything for a long time, and I was wondering why life was sucking so hard right now. The it came to me: I haven't written for like three weeks! So, I have a good story idea, about how this angel (male, of course. I know, angels don't have genitals, but this one does because he's God's... "favorite".) falls in love with a mortal being. I can just imagine some of the dialogue. Here's a taste of what it's like talking to God.

Angel: *nervously* So... I, uh, need to say something...
God: Hm? Go ahead.
A: I think... I think I've fallen in love.
G: *frowns* What do you mean?
A: I don't know... *makes stupid-dreamy face* I just can't stop thinking about him...
G: What!? HIM?! Are you crazy?!
A: See, I knew you'd do this.....
G: *angry face* You aren't supposed to meddle in the affairs of humanity!
A: I know... but he looked so cute... and vulnerable...
G: *gasps* You didn't do 'that' with him... did you?
A: *flips hand* No! Of course not!
G: *stares at Angel* I know everything. Don't try to lie to me.
A: *sighs* Well... maybe a little... my eyes were closed! And... he was kinda drunk... and he doesn't remember... so it really doesn't count...
G: YES IT DOES! *pouts* I thought... I thought 'we' had something special...
A: Well, you're not exactly a physical entity...
G: *throws up hands * Oh, I see, it's all 'physical' with you young angels!
A: No! Well, I mean... gah, stupid knowing everything...
G: Personal feelings aside *and there are ALOT of those* you directly disobeyed me. Now, it is time for your punishment.
A: *backs away* Why... um, why are you looking at me like that?
G: *cackles* This is the perfect... CHANGE! *lighting flies from hands*
A: NOOOOOOO!!!! *dust clears, Angel looks down*
G:Mwahahaha...
A: WHAT DID YOU DO!?!?! *rips off pants* THIS ISN"T WHAT I WAS MADE WITH!
G: Well, you wanted to be with him. *grins acidly* So I made it possible. Go now, with my blessing, and my transgender gift. *giggles*
A: I want to be with him as a MAN... *sniffs*
G: Not allowed. And that's what you get. This is better that last time though.
A: Last time?
G: Yeah. I doomed my last boyfriend to be the Prince of Evil. You know, Satin.
A: You dated Satin?
G: *shrugs* For a little while.
A: Geez, if I had known that, I wouldn't have gotten involved...
G: *fire explodes in background* WHAT?!
A: Ah... nothing... goodbye now... *runs away*
G: You're still me bitch, whether yu know it or not.

That;s it. I'm tired now, so goodnight...

About This Guy...

2008-11-18T22:15:00.000-08:00

So, again, this guy in my history class. I don't know... how am I supposed to talk to him? And what if I'm wrong? What if my faulty gaydar has incorrectly spotted a straight man and I end up asking out a heterosexual? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW HIS SEXUAL PREFERENCES??!! Gah... maybe I should give up on men... that might be the only cure for my love sick heart... oh my God, if I ever write anything that cliched ever again, somebody needs to shoot me. Well... not literally, I suppose, but firguratively... leave me a nasty comment. WEll, I'm gonna start a one shot now... I'll post it when it's done...

Obama and Hillary... together at last!!

2008-11-17T21:21:00.000-08:00

I saw this awhile ago on MadTV, but I could not figure out how to embed a video! It took me absolutely ages... anyways, I really like this one. It's freakin hilarious. Don't have much time right now as I'm supposed to be doing my homework or what not... I'll post tomorrow or when I have time next...

What should I do about this guy? He looks at me in class, and when I look back at him, he looks away quickly and pretends that he wasn't staring. I know better. Especially when it happens more than once. I would like to talk to him... but I have nothing to say! Gr... girls are so much easier than guys are... dammit, why do they have to be so freakin stoic all the time?! He's cute... but I'm kind of afraid to talk to him. Usually I'm gung ho, but I get nervous around him and my mind ceases the successful facilitation of communication. That is, I stumble and look like an idiot. I wish I had the courage just to go up to him and ask, "Are you into men? Do you like penis?" But I can't. I just can't.

Stupdi men, being all "ooh, I'm big and scary and if you talk to me, I'll make you feel insignificant and inferior because you are!". But usually, these are the guys who once had a little bit too much to drink and end up making out with thier best friend. They wake up in the morning, covered in sweat, booze, and another unidentifable substance, and swear to one another that no one will ever find out. But we do find out. At least I do. And then I tell the rest of the world! No one beleieves me though.... I wonder why that is... I'm not a rumormongerer or anything... am I? Answer me dammit!

Alright, math time... gross. I hate math. Why can't everything be a creative writing assignment? That would make my life a ton easier. Three tons actually, cause then i wouldn't have to carry all these books are over the freaking place. Whatever... I'm tired and you're pissing me off! Not really... but the former is true. Goodnight... zzzz....

Umbrella Music Video Parody (Madtv)

2008-11-17T21:20:00.001-08:00

A Parody of Rhianna's "Umbrella". Lyrics:

Obama: [rapping] Uh huh! Uh huh! Yo my girl Hillary, former first lady, will she be president? Who knows, maybe. Yo Barack Obama! I'm a black democrat, no I ain't no punk, Hillary's a hot mama. She's got her eyes on the prize, and I'm talking 'bout my junk. Hillary, where you at?

Hillary: I'm in the front. But what I want is a little bit of mandingo love. Bill had Monica, played him like a harmonica. So can I be blamed if I wanna get some strange?

Yes, I am a firm believer of some hardcore jungle fever. He's my boy, I am his girl, hellz yeah we're both down with the swirl! We may have differed on Iraq, but no one's stiffer in the sack. I can't lie - that's why I wanna be under Barack Obama, bama, bama, ay, ay, ay, under Barack Obama, bama, bama, bama, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.

The polls have me in the lead, but your polls the only one I need.

Obama: Girl you're making me really hot, I'm gonna put my ballot in your slot.

Hillary: Pour your chocolate rain on me and I'll make you my VP.

Obama: Gonna put my lovin' on ya.

Hillary: I wanna be under Barack Obama, bama, bama, bama, ay, ay, ay, ay, under Barack Obama, bama, bama, bama, ay, ay, ay ay!

Sin's Eventual Partner, Guilt

2008-11-16T22:43:00.000-08:00

I am so tired in my head
My eyes, my sight they are so blurred
I want to sleep, rest like the dead
Remain forever undisturbed.

I want to close my eyes and sleep
To run away, escape to dreams
Embrace the darkness, shadows deep
To silence those ungodly screams

That echo in my bedroom still
They haunt my every waking step
Horror, my skull those wails do fill
Cold terror strikes my heart's full depths.

Shot past my soul, across the sand
Dark pictures flutter, burned and torn
Like broken glass upon my hand
I find those tombs on which I mourn.

These memories, I hold so close
I wish, I wish I could forget
My sins in chains, make scars that show
Upon my chest, I do regret.

So now I lay, in tortured rest
Unable yet to close my eyes
For on the bloody, morning's crest
I see their face, I see them die.

Our World is Timeless

2008-11-15T01:58:00.000-08:00

There is no Time

No time to write
No time to read
No time to think,
No time to breath.
Everything goes by so fast
Both future and the present
Always morphing into past
No end to it I see
No comforting repast
Just on and on and on
This forever ever lasts.
No break, no intercede
That separates the age
Like a moment and eternity
Trapped we are in time's dead cage
A child to life, yet death's owned slave
Foolish youth and ghastly sage
Here and now we dig our graves
In the graveyard's sable shade
In the cemetery's final gloom
In the warmth of darkened womb
In the night of a new moon
We are victims, this I know
Of growth and growing our own doom.

To Love and To Lose

2008-11-12T20:30:00.000-08:00

In words of wisdom, hot and wild
In whispers secret, ice and guile.
I look upon thee with a smile
And hold you in my arms awhile.

In your eyes I find a mire
Lost in a daze of twisted wire.
And you run and run until you tire
Losing yourself inside the fire.

And them, your voice, I hear you cry
Blood in your ears, tears in your eyes
But in your heart, no love I find
For your love hath left and died.

Homework... what homework?

2008-11-12T20:16:00.000-08:00

Geez, so I forgot to do my precalc homework. Again. But, you know what, I don't really place much value in knowing how to draw a curved line; it just isn't interesting to me. We have a test tomorrow, but oh well, its an automatic bomb. I try. I really do. I do all my homework (okay, most of it...) and I study but I can never manage to raise my grade higher than a freakin B. I'm pissed. That stupid class is mutilating my GPA. Bitchy math.

And then freakin chem. I hate chemistry. Do you know what polyatomic ions are? Do you use them in your everyday life? No, I didn't think so. And plus, I got into all these AP and Honors classes to look smart, and to make colleges like me, but I forgot about the major down side of smart classes: limited eye-candy. In all my classes, there's like a 2:1 ratio for girls:boys. Ridiculous. Great if I were straight, but uh, not doing much for me as I am. Ah... I wish school sucked less. I would like to get a job, and I was looking at the Google Adsense program, but that contract looked mighty scary. I don't want to mess with that.

My aunt is looking over my house while my parents are awya, and I gotta admit, things are much easier around the house. I come home and the dishes are washed: weird. My room is clean and my laudry is done, and I'm thinking to myself, "I don't remember doing all this work..." cause usually I'm who does it. WEll, no more! Actually, no more till Thanksgiving, but hey, I'm not complaining.

Maybe I'll start a fanfiction-y blog. Just write and write and write until my eyes fall out. Or I could type up all my poetry and make a blog of those. I don't know... what am I going to do? For life, i mean. Everyone keeps telling me that if I major in English, I'll either become a teaher, or homeless. Not exactly my ideal occupations. I'll figure it out, I suppose. Ah, well...

Is it just me, or does it seem like no one is actually reading this? I wonder how I can people to read my blogs more... I'll think of something... I just hope I don't have to resort to shameless self-promotion... that would be the end of me.

Another Long Night of Walden

2008-11-11T23:20:00.000-08:00

Alright, so I'm reading Walden for AP English, and the author (Henry Thoreau) is unbearable. An absolute hypcrit. He's constantly talking about how we only learn when we do things ourselves, that we can never learn anything from someone else, and that we only progress through our own labors. There is some truth in those words, sure. But he would be a lot more convincing if he practiced what he preached. He lived his entire life living off of other people: first, his mother, living with her AFTER he graduated college. Then, he lived his brother, and they started a school. Then, when his brother got sick (and could no longer do all the work!) he left and lived with Emmerson, another Transcedalist author, for TWO years! I can imagine their first conversation:

Thoreau: Hey! You're that guy who writes those books! (I bet you're loaded!)

Emmerson: Hm? Oh, yes, yes I am! (Oh my God, somebody actually read my books!) I see that you are, no doubt, an intrepid young scholar who also believes in the ideals of Transcendantalism! (Whew! I thought I was a loner!)

T: (What the hell is talking about?) Um... yes! Absolutely! I uh... was just discussing with my good friend the finer points of, um... intuition... and uh... self-reliance. (Geez, my mom would die laughing if she heard this)

E: (Oh. My. God. I think I've found my soulmate...) Exactly! Oh, if only my colleagues could hear this! What do you think about the Oversoul?

T: (Shit. Shit shit shit.) Uhh.... Erm... That is... Ah, hey, you know what, I don't think I can get into all that right now. The topic is far too large to be fully dissected over the course of a single evening. Nay, even a year or two wouldn't suffice! (Goal! What an excellent save!)

E: Hey! I just had a great idea!

T: (Oh no... forget the money, I just want to get away from this creepy, creepy man...) Uh... really? And what would that be? (Go away go away go away.)

E: Yes! Yes! You see, I have a spare room that is just dying to be occupied! You could... oh, I don't know, perform odd jobs around the house and I could rent you the space!

T: (Oh. My. God. What the hell does he mean by "odd jobs"? Ew... ew... ew... oh, the pictures in my mind! Make them go away!) What makes you think I'm looking for a place to live? (He's been watching me... I knew it! He just wants to get into my suspenders!)

E: Well, when your mom kicked you out again... this makes twice now, right? Anyways, the whole town could hear your screaming and protesting, "Mommy, mommy! Why are you doing this to me?" Oh, yes, it was quite comical!

T: (I hate you. So much.) Er... yes, I suppose I am looking for a house at the moment...

E: (Yes!) Then its settled! Just meet me tomorrow at my house and we'll work out your payment plan! *chuckle*

T: (Did he just giggle?) Oh, yes, I'm... looking forward to it. (I'm going to leave that house a changed man.)

That's my take on it. It probably didn't happen that way, but... oh well. Anyways, going back to Thoreau: he says that you only learn from the labor wrought from your own hands: he doesn't even build the cabin he lived in! Other people did it for him! And then, like I said before, he says that you can only learn from your own expreiences. But then, he's like, read my book and learn from it. How can we if we can only teach ourselves? Somebody is a little bit contradictary... His name is Thoreau.

There's this guy in my history class, and I'm convinced he's gay. Well, maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part... okay, it definitely is me hoping desperately that he likes men. But what's the difference? Anyways, my gaydar is awful. I'm ALWAYS wrong. You'd think that as a homosexual I'd be able to identify my own kind, but sadly, I can't. So I'm not sure if he's queer or not. He's really cute... and smart. Not exactly a trend one finds in men these days. (Not a slight to men, but those are the facts: there are 21 girls in my AP United States History Class. There are seven guys. Hm... I wonder why...) So going back to this guy. Like I said, he's attractive. Lots of my lady friends have been throwing themselves at him for years, and yet, he's never had a girlfriend. (You could argue that he's just not interested in girls yet... I would say that its because he likes boys.) One of my good friends tried to go for him: the thing was a fiasco. She's pretty, blond, average height, nice smile, large-ish breasts. So we got physical appearance covered. She's also smart, witty, and very critical (just like him! Condescending bastards! Just kidding... sort of...) So they are personality compatible. So she asks him to a movie, and they agree on a date and time and so forth. So, the night of the movie, he calls her and says that he can't make it. Later, my friend and I discover that he couldn't go because he was at a play. With one of his guy friends. If blowing off a hot girl to see a play with another guy isn't a rainbow flag, then I must be straight. And I am not straight.

Maybe I'm stereotyping. Actually, I am stereotyping. Maybe I'm looking for signs that don't exist. Either way, I'm going to get him. Actually, I probably won't, because he's got two inches on me, plus biceps.

But I can dream, can't I?

My night of fruitless searching...

2008-11-09T01:38:00.001-08:00

So. I wonder what propelled me to blog. Well, I like to write. A lot. So, I decided that if I can't get people I know to read my writing, I might as well let complete strangers read my literature instead. My aunt blogs. I think that's what did it...

My current frustration: my computer. It is running ridiculously slow, and I don't know why. Actually, that's a lie, but still. And, I've been searching online and on Limewire and Bittorrent for past century, and I cannot find Sailor Moon music. Argh... not to mention all of the web pages load very, very slowly, as if they were snails on a very, very hot day. So I've found almost nothing of which I was looking for. How productive.

And then, in attempt to relieve the angriness, I decided to log onto fanfiction.net, and was rewarded with crap writing and unfulfilled romance. Fine, Edward and Jacob meet a bar. That's fine, I can understand that. I can understand that they bump naughties. I got that. I mean, I wrote a fic about them getting it on, so really. But my fic didn't have ugly, gross, SIMPLE grammatical errors, such as misplacing or skipping conjunctions and commas. I understand that people are at different levels of intellect and I'm not trying to condescend. But I put a great deal of effort into my writing: I brainstorm and take notes and write and edit and write and edit and then edit again, just to make sure that my writing sucks because of CONTENT, not because of conventions. So to see someone slap an idea onto paper, type it up, then watch what could have been an excellent story trasform into a disgrace to the English language... terrible. It was a good story. I just wanted to stab my eyes out screaming,
"Comma! COMMA!! AHHH!! No, no! This sentence could be four! AND YOU DIDN'T INDENT THE NEXT PARAGRAPH!" Maybe that's just me being Puritanic about writing. Maybe it's a sign that some people should repeat middle school. Oh, what a horrible punishment that would be... *shudders*

Anyways... so I'm reading Walden right now... and I swear to God, Thoroeu (or whatever) was a fruitcake. I'm a fruitcake. I think fruit is delicious. But, digressions aside, the man lived with Emmerson for two years. TWO YEARS. Performing "odd jobs around the house, to pay for room and board" as my lit. book puts it. Really? Or, they could have been sleeping together, and Thoroeu was just a needy boyfriend. That's my thoery anyways. I think it has a certain ring of validity.

I'm so glad that elections are over. I can't even vote, but all of this endless arguing... I'm just gald it's over. FYI, I think Palin is adorable. So, she might be slightly mentally impaired. It never stopped anyone else, like Paris Hilton or Madonna. They're none too bright, and look where they are. Well, maybe that was a bad analogy. Back to the point, I want to meet Palin and go shopping with her. I mean, she might pull a gun on me, a .45 in one hand, and Holy Water in the other, but hey, she's so gosh darn cute!

Anyways, my eyes keeping falling down. Oh, and my mailman is really hot. I thought that was important. I hope this was fun/entertaining. Maybe if I get enough followers, I'll start taking requests for fanfics! That would be way fun...

Russ